Showing posts with label Mum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mum. Show all posts

Lewis - The Great Divorce Ch.12 - Least on earth, greatest in heaven (reminds me of Mum)

This is one of my favorite passages from C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce. It reminds me so much of Mum, and it encapsulates the contrast between earthly and heavenly greatness.

All down one long aisle of the forest the under-sides of the leafy branches had begun to tremble with dancing light; and on earth I knew nothing so likely to produce this appearance as the reflected lights cast upward by moving water. A few moments later I realised my mistake. Some kind of procession was approaching us, and the light came from the persons who composed it.

First came bright Spirits, not the Spirits of men, who danced and scattered flowers—soundlessly falling, lightly drifting flowers, though by the standards of the ghost-world each petal would have weighed a hundred-weight and their fall would have been like the crashing of boulders. Then, on the left and right, at each side of the forest avenue, came youthful shapes, boys upon one hand, and girls upon the other. If I could remember their singing and write down the notes, no man who read that score would ever grow sick or old. Between them went musicians: and after these a lady in whose honour all this was being done.

I cannot now remember whether she was naked or clothed. If she were naked, then it must have been the almost visible penumbra of her courtesy and joy which produces in my memory the illusion of a great and shining train that followed her across the happy grass. If she were clothed, then the illusion of nakedness is doubtless due to the clarity with which her inmost spirit shone through the clothes. For clothes in that country are not a disguise: the spiritual body lives along each thread and turns them into living organs. A 
robe or a crown is there as much one of the wearer’s features as a lip or an eye.

But I have forgotten. And only partly do I remember the unbearable beauty of her face.

‘Is it? . . . is it?’ I whispered to my guide.

‘Not at all,’ said he. ‘It’s someone ye’ll never have heard of. Her name on earth was Sarah Smith and she lived at Golders Green.’

‘She seems to be . . . well, a person of particular importance?’

‘Aye. She is one of the great ones. Ye have heard that fame in this country and fame on Earth are two quite different things.’

‘And who are these gigantic people . . . look! They’re like emeralds . . . who are dancing and throwing flowers before her?’

‘Haven’t ye read your Milton? A thousand liveried angels lackey her.

‘And who are all these young men and women on each side?’

‘They are her sons and daughters.’

‘She must have had a very large family, Sir.’

‘Every young man or boy that met her became her son—even if it was only the boy that brought the meat to her back door. Every girl that met her was her daughter.’

‘Isn’t that a bit hard on their own parents?’

‘No. There are those that steal other people’s children. But her motherhood was of a different kind. Those on whom it fell went back to their natural parents loving them more. [99]Few men looked on her without becoming, in a certain fashion, her lovers. But it was the kind of love that made them not less true, but truer, to their own wives.’

‘And how . . . but hullo! What are all these animals? A cat—two cats—dozens of cats. And all those dogs . . . why, I can’t count them. And the birds. And the horses.’

‘They are her beasts.’

‘Did she keep a sort of zoo? I mean, this is a bit too much.’

‘Every beast and bird that came near her had its place in her love. In her they became themselves. And now the abundance of life she has in Christ from the Father flows over into them.’

I looked at my Teacher in amazement.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It is like when you throw a stone into a pool, and the concentric waves spread out further and further. Who knows where it will end? Redeemed humanity is still young, it has hardly come to its full strength. But already there is joy enough in the little finger of a great saint such as yonder lady to waken all the dead things of the universe into life.’

Von Speyr - Death of a loved one as "the breaking off of a dialogue"

The most compelling consequence of death is not merely separation but a growing limitation of understanding, the breaking off of a dialogue, a rapport, a love which had thought it was wider and bigger. My friend is dead, but this death tears holes in my own existence.

Adrienne von Speyr, The Mystery of Death (1953) 

It has occurred to me that the moments when I find myself most noticeably missing Mum tend be those when I have the impulse to "converse" with her, whether figuratively or literally (either "Mum would have said this about what just happened" or "I would say this to Mum right now"). I think there really is something to the idea that relationships with those we love are like life-long conversations where we share ourselves with each other, and that one metaphor for the loss of a loved one is a conversation interrupted, seemingly before it was finished.

Eulogy for Mum's Memorial Service - March 13, 2021

For years, whenever I've thought about Mum and her love for us, I've found myself thinking about Mary and Martha. One of the many layers of this story is simply that both sisters sought to show their love for Jesus, and that Mary did so more perfectly. As we remember, Jesus says about Mary "She has chosen the better part, and it shall not be taken from her."

As Christians, we often emphasize that love is an action, as opposed to a feeling. And that's true—love is an action. But on the very deepest level, we believe that love is a Person. God is love. And while He expresses His love for us constantly through actions, the most essential way He loves us is in His being—that is, by being present with us in every moment of our lives. Although we do imitate God's love when we perform acts of service, we do so most purely when we stop and take time to be present for those God has given us to love. This was Mary's love for Jesus, and it's also what I remember most vividly in Mum's love for us, her children.

The story Rachel told about planting tulips captures it perfectly. My guess is that there were a couple (likely more than a couple) weeds in the yard that day that could have used pulling, and probably some clutter on the end of the kitchen table (or maybe on the counter next to the phone). But knowing Mum, those things were not anywhere in her mind as she knelt on the grass next to Rachel. For her that moment transcended weeds and clutter and worry, and consisted only of the joy her child gave her, and the love she was making present to her child.

Jesus recognized something imperfect in Martha's love—that it had lost its focus on the beloved. Even the love of a mother for her child can be warped, very subtly, as when real concern for the child's safety becomes overbearing strictness, genuine warmth becomes smothering, or normal emotional expression becomes self-serving drama. Bethany recently said something that stuck with me. She was talking about Mum's presence in the family, using words like “quiet" and "patient." She then said that Mum was never "too much" of anything—meaning that in raising us she avoided the kinds of excesses I just described. Today we have lost the ancient principle of the Golden Mean, that the most virtuous behavior always avoids extremes, rather than pursues them. Mum's love for us was even-keeled, and so much the better for it. 

Mary's love is also purer than Martha’s because it's entirely focused on a person, and not distracted by things. Mum was like this as well. Anyone who knew her will tell you that it was almost impossible to get her to care about things—even pretty important things. One very early memory I have is from when Jeff and I were little, and the girls hadn't come along yet. We were all at the beach in Maine, and Mum lost her wedding ring when she was in the water, jumping in the waves with the two of us. Years later, when she shared the story with my wife Nancy, Mum related how losing the ring wasn't a big deal, that she simply hadn't been paying attention. She said, with a characteristic grin, "I had my two little boys with me—I just wanted to play with them." 

Almost 50 years later, those two boys (not so little any more), along with two girls (both adults and mothers by now) sat around Mum's bed as she drew her last few breaths on Earth. We know, of course, that this was not the end of her life of love, but rather the beginning of it in its fullness. The love exemplified by Mary, and lived by Mum throughout her earthly life, is nothing less than practice for Heaven. Martha's love, necessary as it is here on Earth, is no longer needed there. In the fully realized kingdom of God, there are no needs or even wants for us to fulfill for each other. We will be united with the One who is Love, or as C.S. Lewis puts it, we will literally be "in Love". I believe Mum is well on her way to this blessed goal. She truly chose the better part, and it shall not be taken from her.

Foley - God Doesn't Always Heal Wounds, Uses Them For Holiness; Example of St. Therese

Now it has to be understood that her sensitivity was not taken away. In fact Pauline says in the beatification process that in Carmel she wa...